. At Some Point .
Journal Entry: Tue May 13, 2008, 10:21 PM
- Mood:
Love - Listening to: PANIC! AT THE DISCO - BEHIND THE SEA.
- Drinking: WATER.
Closure was never received. It's pretty blatant by through transparent portrayals. It's been meandering in my mind lately, due to subconscious recollections. But I am completely at a loss; impossibility at reconciling is rather obvious.
[Truth]:
Sometimes I contemplate actively attempting this reconcilation. I feel that it could have been feasible. But then I pause and think of enemies, created by lies; gullible entities growing to hate me for no apparent reason. In describing my own story, I approached negative input with defense. I remained a Devil's advocate. But obviously, the better person emerged. Instead, I was granted animosity for a fake reason. And to this day, I'm still granted such. Now, we know who the better person is.
And even as I type this, as a final attempt at venting my true emotions, I am covering my words and not allowing myself to become as angry as I know I've suppressed.
My journals are all truth. I am in love with Ben; we broke up in July of last year and got back together in February of this year. I am graduating from COC with another degree. I am graduating from CSUN next year. My Internship ended on Saturday, and I gained that validation. Michael and I are still good friends. All of that is true. I never lie in my journal entries to cause a certain thought process.
My life is wonderful right now. I feel like I've defined myself more as a person in the past three years that I have at any point in my life. I realized my personality traits, and what I want in a person. I love Ben because we share so much more. We share a common love for knowledge, for intelligence and schooling. Despite breaking up and him moving 1,000 miles away, I've supported him through schooling. I would never detract him from his true goal in life. Also, there is just this underlying connection that is unexplainable. We have argued only a select couple of times, and even so, we both take a step back and analyze our situation; we both know how this works. I have no doubt in my mind that I could probably spend the rest of my life with him.
Originally, I was going to place a section with my falsities, but it's pretty clear. I would never do wrong by an individual, no matter how deeply involved. I would never afflict that wound unto anyone. But, now, I have enemies. No amount of justification can ever change their viewpoint. The only falsity I can present is that yes, I've thought about it more than once. It's not something that can simply fade.
Therefore, my conclusion: I will always accept an attempt at reconciling. I still can see through your opaque shell. It's obvious who emerged victorious, because simply iterating my life is proof, on all facets. I still think it's unfortunate that this resulted; but, in actuality, what do you have that could possibly improve my life? I see nothing. Based on your true representation, I see nothing resulting but delapidation. And everything up to this point has proven this true. Nothing, nothing, has convinced me otherwise.
[End Truth]
. Random_Anthro .
. Prom- Spring2007_12thgrade .
. AnAprilVisit .
. ILoveBen: Still .
Devious Comments
:*
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It's not so much the pain, It's more the actual knife
Pretending the picture is perfect, I cut myself to sleep
I close my eyes for a second, And meet a fragile soul
I scream to hide that I'm lonely, The echo calls my name...
--
~Mokibus Is the Jemaine to my Bret <3
~Tee-uh is my wicked Uncle Tieth <3
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you don't need a gun to blow your mind..
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Mypsace | Syblog
--
William.
Best regards, Felix Ivefeldt.
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i v e f e l d t - Photography
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Spin Spin, Whiskey & Gin I Suffer For My Art...
you write beautifully.
--
i v e f e l d t - Photography
i will sell you a picture oh wait no because you won't pay and i'm gonna CRYYY AND BITCH ABOUT IT.
*bitchmoancry*
oh no catie! TWENTY DOLLARS.
that's like...a bajillion pennies.
oh lordy lordy.
i'm gonna cry inside.
*slits wrists*
TWWEEEENTTYY DOLLLARRRRRSSS
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i v e f e l d t - Photography
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"Yes, that sequence of words I said made perfect sense."
-Professor Farnsworth
Appreciated!
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<3 Laura
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No religion, No flag, No fear
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No religion, No flag, No fear
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